ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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