Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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