I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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