Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
