Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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