Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
