Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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