I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
MIDGETS
????
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
