you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
