we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So vagazzling was a success
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
