forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
