Already got asked if we're dating
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
