Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i think i have two assholes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
