Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Shame - the story of my life.
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