someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
