Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
