Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
