why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
