Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
