please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
