Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
