just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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