the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
