1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
