apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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