How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its not stalking. its research.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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