we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't turn off my feet"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
