I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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