he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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