i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
