i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
