It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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