So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
