Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
