I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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