Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm really busy with my period
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