walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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