Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
