It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
