I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
