mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
