the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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