i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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