i jhust puked up my retainher.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
