I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
