Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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