I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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