we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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