She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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