i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
