I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
