i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
